He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
