i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
