Im at strip club and am horny
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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