I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
