my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
