I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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