I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
