Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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