Will you blow on my dice?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
