I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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