was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
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