I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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