So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
