Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
