She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
