walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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