It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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