First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
