My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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