whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
