My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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