it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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