Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
