i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Still dying that you shit outside
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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