dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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