ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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