girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
