Just fell off a train. Bad.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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