dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
third nipple confirmed
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Randomize
