How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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