Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Drake has all the answers
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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