My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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