weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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