if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize