Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
