ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I can't put those talents on a resume
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I am available for nakedness
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
