there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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