See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
