So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
