Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
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