Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
