He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
