my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
