i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
