When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
pray to the hookup gods
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
