I just saw a hot homeless man
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize