yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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