I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
