So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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