She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
