The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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