I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
