last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
