You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
