I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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