you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Randomize
