I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Dicks are not precious.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
