the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
