Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
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