I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
