I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
