you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
