he shaved USA in his pubs
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You ate ashes out of my bong
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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