I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Randomize
