my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
