so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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