I want to have your abortion
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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