I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
