I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
