How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
