If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
