Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
