I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
the liver wants what the liver wants
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
