wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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