Im at strip club and am horny
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
