All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize