dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
