It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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