We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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