Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
