...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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