I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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