Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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