Just took my morning after pill in the library
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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