the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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