Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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