omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
