Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
my poor anus
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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