"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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