I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
