So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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