So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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