just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
the liver wants what the liver wants
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
