Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
