my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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