Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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