yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
