Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
