is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just found puke in my bra..
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
