I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
