I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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