She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Randomize