I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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