Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
