We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
