i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
