evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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