4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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