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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
